The Big Closet and Father's Day 2025

 Over my adult life I’ve occasionally or maybe frequently had a feeling of being buried under too much stuff. Things are cheap now and self-cheapening by extension. While it’s easy for material to accumulate, I’m not so great at culling things, so up it piles - books, clothing, kid toys, kid art, school projects, tools, old marine safety markers, music and recording equipment, CDs, duplicate photo prints, camping gear, extra dishes, you name it. The piles occasionally get compacted and pressed into closets and crawl spaces until those get full. 

Kid stuff in particular is hard to sort through, especially after a wrenching family separation, and especially in a house that is full of it in every corner, drawer and cupboard. The stuff isn’t useful. The space it takes up isn’t useable. There is a tightness in the chest whenever some of it spills out. 

Parking a dumpster under a window and pushing it all out, even if it was an option 23 miles offshore, wouldn’t really work for me, because I do want to pick out the 2% which has meaning and pass it to my kids for them to keep or toss. I also want to move on emotionally, which I’m about as good at as I am at prioritizing what to keep. 

I pull out a box of multi-category family objets d’vivre and freeze. I pick up a ceramic elephant from the top layer. Several questions hit me like a paralyzing dart. What do I do with it? How long will it take to decide and then actually get it out the door? How many things like that in each box? How many boxes? Is there any Jameson’s left? 

Aunt Belle’s has two very large room-length closets in one bedroom. This should be a good thing but in my case is an emotional challenge. I’ve made a few dredging and mining efforts in the past, but only gotten a foot or two in through the strata of fractured family geology. 

In truth, I’ve made a lot of progress. I’ve curated several boxes of things for one child and felt really happy to both spare them the sorting process and to provide unique and precious bits of their life that they can now enjoy. I’ve also toted a good few contractor bags and boxes of stuff out of the room and down the stairs. 

I found one print of my younger two on a jungle gym. The 4 year old is hanging and swinging and the one year old is looking at the camera perfectly resembling pictures of my mother around that age. 

It was a small moment that came and went, probably without me noticing, but I would pay thousands for 5 more minutes in whatever time that picture was taken. 

Digital Segregation and Erasure of the Individual

"...the way the hammer shapes the hand." Jackson Browne

I watch people who are very dear to me work to better understand themselves and improve their life experiences. Common approaches are some combination of professional assessment and counseling along with self directed research and engagement with various online communities. There are diagnostic terms and criteria. There are labels. I see these providing comfort for that sense of being out of kilter, not feeling settled or well fitted to one's circumstances and surroundings. If it can be named, sorted and boxed it can be tamed. 

At the outset, I question whether the sense of being a cat always on the wrong side of the door, always being in some way out of alignment, being otherly may actually be an inherently human and healthy force, the creative tension in life that moves us to strive, create, struggle, question, change. I question whether the labels and criteria help us on our way or perhaps divert us from embracing our unique struggles to be well-adjusted, organized, emotionally stable or whatever. It is probably both. 

What I am really writing about today is a different kind of categorization. The one which is king in the age of data harvesting and analysis. Twenty or so years of social media presence in our lives has fundamentally transformed how we see ourselves and each other. Tech giants make their billions by observing behavior, eye movements, clicks, scrolling and stopping, and probably a bunch of other stuff I'm not aware of. These galaxies of information are useless without categories to sort the data into in order to advertise us and manipulate emotions during elections and international conflict. Categories are not complicated. Gender, race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, age, red, blue. They can be chopped finer and finer, but ultimately must be narrowing and limiting in order to be useful for data analysis and getting us to buy supplements or make political donations.

Despite the promise of the internet to expand and connect, in the age of King Data, our interactions and perceptions are narrowed and limited as we engage with technology - the way the hammer shapes the hand. We find community based on shared experiences of our categories. More importantly for Meta's and X's revenue streams, we also find villains based on categories. We've learned to self-segregate based on demographics because that's what is relentlessly programmed to us in our social media engagement. 

Since so much of our social engagement is now through these channels, the more natural and organic interactions with others, say at a party or gathering or just in passing on the street are now parametered by those same categories instead of what we see and hear right in front of us. Even though we step away from the phone/tablet/computer screen, we're still looking through it. We don't need Google glasses because we're already there. 

I've been dismayed by our culture's transformation to this point where we validate experience and validate people not by their individual character and life experience, but solely by the groupings and affiliations that fit the commercially useful recognized categories. In this way, vast swaths of our life experience and our collective selves are erased from our cultural landscape. 

I find it impossible to have a conversation about tough issues of the day or in history because the category filter is the only one given air time. Anything that doesn't fit the 21st century boxes into which human lived experience is sorted doesn't exist. 

And there again, the hammer shapes the hand. Tech companies don't simply have the power to fine tune content in order to sell our eyeballs to advertisers, they have the power to narrow, to segregate and to control our current lived experience. 

We want to hold onto the sense that we are unique and in charge of how we see our world. The reality is that Alphabet, which makes this platform available to me, knows what I'm thinking better than I do. Perhaps I should have asked Gemini to write this for me. Also in on the truth are political operatives, disinformation factories and governments around the world. 

This whole enterprise is about to take a giant leap forward as Palantir prepares to create a centralized database of personal information at the fingertips of the most powerful government in the world. It won't be tech competitors taking turns spinning us around blindfolded, but The One.