Cam, Tim, the Band and Frye's Leap

 Today I heard the news. Cam had passed. 

Frye's Leap for most of us is just a really good beer. For one moment captured in a photograph, it was Cam and his brother Tim in a perfect swan dive together, arms wide, backs arched, legs back, floating for an instant before the arc turned vertical. They did something I'd never have the moxie to do in a million years. I expect they both got laid afterwards.

For a magically loud and bombastic few years, I was the guitar and second vocal dweeb in a band with Cam, Tim, Mike, Todd and Chris. It was during a time when I could play a club in Connecticut at night and be in court in Bath or Wiscasset at 8:30 the next morning. 

We partied very hard, wrote songs, argued, traveled, and, at the center of the stage, the warmth and center of gravity was the force of nature that was Cam. Physically, he was a bit of a brute, but he also had a delicate and finely tuned sense of musicality that came just from inside, not from endless lessons after school, or in a music program in college. 

Cam and Tim were big into skiing, which had us installed at Sunday River clubs for many nights, and skiing the following mornings. I'd be doing my best to carve my way down the mountain, and there would be Cam, a blue spandex fighter jet whistling by me, not schussing left, schussing right, but tracing the contours of the mountain, only turning when it did. 

The skiing gigs took us to ski country in Austria where we all camped into a big lodge and played in bars with people clonking around in ski boots. We played on mountain tops where our gear went up by cable car, and yet it was somehow 70° even though we were surrounded by glaciers on all sides, and beer soaked fans closer up. We loaded our gear into tiny utility trucks and hatchbacks and found our way through the Alps to this hamlet or that disco.

Then came weddings and kids and drifting apart. A few years back, I ran into Cam at Hannaford, at Andy's Old Port Pub and some other occasions. 

In the early 2020's I tried to convince everyone to regroup, because I could tell the music was still in all of us, but inertia, commitments, health issues and the tyrannical, remorseless flow of time did their thing, so it never happened. 

Freddy Mercury and Cam are on another plane and I miss them both. Take a break, Driver 8. Rest easy, big soul.

The March of Late Summer - Boat Malfunctions, Drought Driven Wellwater Pump Burnout and I Don't Like My Legit Job Either

 August and early September on Matinicus can be like March, just with super sweet weather instead of the sour cold kind. All the same, people might be grouchy or short, or burnt out, and by people, I mean me. When I was here in March of years gone by, I heard islanders say 'I don't know what's wrong with everyone, I'm fine. 

These days, I am not always so fine even with the nice weather. It's been a long slog of juggling two businesses, one of which is driven by weather, market and abundance or not of lobsters. The other is transactions, disputes, accountings and other fiddlesomeness. Then there's socialization, music events and just remembering to get back and forth for gas and groceries.

The last few weeks have been an epic L.A. Freeway in the fog sort of pile-up. First, I'm bad at saying no to legal work; almost as bad as I am at getting it done in a timely fashion. Then in the middle of what the National Weather Service says is 'extreme drought', the shower valve I've been procrastinating on fixing finally drips enough to make our water pump trip a circuit breaker while we're away for a few days. When plugged back in it shrieks with rage at the breaker for not tripping. It works, but clearly is destroying itself from within.

It takes me 7 trips to plumbing places to find the right replacement pump in the midst of closings, meetings, music performances and fetching mainland supplies. 

The boat has also taken to overheating ever so slightly at high rpms, and the cooling water discharge seems a  little slack. With home water supply problems and a long list of office delinquency, my happy space is supposed to be on the water hauling traps with Megan. 

Boat problems often seem to arrive in my world during the later part of my season which is the worst kind of timing because the catches are good, but the weather is likely to change on a dime very soon, at which time I'm having to take up gear for the year with a sick boat, or spend days diagnosing and waiting for parts and repairing something, all while not getting to the legal needs of clients, so it's what you'd call a confluence. Of shit. 

This boat development sets off a long seminar of youtube diesel-engine boat fixing videos, and some cramped hours in the space below deck in the murky water and with fiberglass spicules trying to find the problem. Just trying to get the cover off the water pump has me corkscrewed between curved hull, and unforgiving frame pieces in such a way that to have both hands on a part I'm trying to remove, one arm is too long and the other too short to work together in the space. There is some bleeding from elbows and knuckles and from my soul. The socket wrench escapes my grip and falls into the bilge. It is a very long 2 or 3 feet to reach into that forward part of the bilge due to the jungle of metal parts, hoses and belts in the way. 

All of this would be one thing if the nice weather lasted forever, but knowing there's always a day in the second week of September when the water and air are suddenly different, the imminent change together with office demands, dying domestic water pump and sick boat all go merrily around in circles immediately above my bed all night. 

I am lucky. A neighbor stepped in to lend a very professional hand to installing the new water pump. I very much enjoyed watching him work and being the set-and-fetch-it person. I am also lucky because an acquaintance helped me fine tune my overheating diagnostic process for the boat to the point where I took apart a heat exchanger, fished out bits of shredded gasket and made a temporary one out of a blue XL sized Atlas Vinylove glove previously used for hauling traps. F/V Compass Rose seems much better. 

I hit the wall, but my good people helped me through/under/over it. 

Independence Day on the Lost Isle of Community

Boy, Matinicus knows how to do the 4th of July. The ratio of explosive devices to population count is possibly the highest in the world. A fantastic parade of vehicles, costumes, horses and marchers and Eva's only public tuba performance as far as I'm aware. There is a tripling of population, and parties and cookouts. These things are done all over the USA, but here perhaps with more eccentricity and community spirit than the mainland suburban realm.

This year captured all the independence and community on a single long weekend. 

Independence in its larger sense is the island's DNA, like it or not. Needed skills often include fixing your owner oil burner electrodes, youtubing truck repairs, navigating regulatory bureaucracy with a handful of citizen staff, back country medicine and mundane things like how to get to appointments and get groceries and plumbing parts to and from a weatherbound and remote outcrop 20 miles from shore and civilization. 

Independence also gets expressed in a parade which includes a rattling, rusted and muffler-free hatchback festooned in red, white and blue, several horseback riders, kids on bikes and a Miss Matinicus always with a gender twist, but this year featuring a particularly joyful and courageous individual who I've watched grow from a kindergartener into an amazing adult. Here on the island of crustaceous personalities, we include. It's not about making a statement, it's about who we just are. We don't require anyone to mark us safe from being traumatized by creative gender expression. 

I love it all, but selfishly, I love the music on the town dock during fireworks best of all - loud explosions answered by loud drums and guitars. David, Woody, Gardner and I had such natural comfy grooves and covered the bases from Buck Owens to the Beasty Boys. Respectably so, to my ear. There were a butt ton of people in attendance and sweet weather, so I'll ride that wave for a while.  

Independence and community can seem like opposed forces. Community requires some surrender of pure self motivated freedom, and some acknowledgement of the cat's cradle of skills and needs that fit together to keep the place turning. As tough and contentious as our community can be, I don't feel the connection between people on the mainland that I do here. Sure, there are friends, colleagues, fellow musicians, but something about the vulnerability of being on an island, and needing to work to solve problems alongside people I might choose to have nothing to do with on the mainland creates that multi faceted, sometimes spiky, thistle-like web of relationships that create this community. If we didn't need each other a little more here, the connection would be much shallower, like it feels in town. 

The Big Closet and Father's Day 2025

 Over my adult life I’ve occasionally or maybe frequently had a feeling of being buried under too much stuff. Things are cheap now and self-cheapening by extension. While it’s easy for material to accumulate, I’m not so great at culling things, so up it piles - books, clothing, kid toys, kid art, school projects, tools, old marine safety markers, music and recording equipment, CDs, duplicate photo prints, camping gear, extra dishes, you name it. The piles occasionally get compacted and pressed into closets and crawl spaces until those get full. 

Kid stuff in particular is hard to sort through, especially after a wrenching family separation, and especially in a house that is full of it in every corner, drawer and cupboard. The stuff isn’t useful. The space it takes up isn’t useable. There is a tightness in the chest whenever some of it spills out. 

Parking a dumpster under a window and pushing it all out, even if it was an option 23 miles offshore, wouldn’t really work for me, because I do want to pick out the 2% which has meaning and pass it to my kids for them to keep or toss. I also want to move on emotionally, which I’m about as good at as I am at prioritizing what to keep. 

I pull out a box of multi-category family objets d’vivre and freeze. I pick up a ceramic elephant from the top layer. Several questions hit me like a paralyzing dart. What do I do with it? How long will it take to decide and then actually get it out the door? How many things like that in each box? How many boxes? Is there any Jameson’s left? 

Aunt Belle’s has two very large room-length closets in one bedroom. This should be a good thing but in my case is an emotional challenge. I’ve made a few dredging and mining efforts in the past, but only gotten a foot or two in through the strata of fractured family geology. 

In truth, I’ve made a lot of progress. I’ve curated several boxes of things for one child and felt really happy to both spare them the sorting process and to provide unique and precious bits of their life that they can now enjoy. I’ve also toted a good few contractor bags and boxes of stuff out of the room and down the stairs. 

I found one print of my younger two on a jungle gym. The 4 year old is hanging and swinging and the one year old is looking at the camera perfectly resembling pictures of my mother around that age. 

It was a small moment that came and went, probably without me noticing, but I would pay thousands for 5 more minutes in whatever time that picture was taken. 

Digital Segregation and Erasure of the Individual

"...the way the hammer shapes the hand." Jackson Browne

I watch people who are very dear to me work to better understand themselves and improve their life experiences. Common approaches are some combination of professional assessment and counseling along with self directed research and engagement with various online communities. There are diagnostic terms and criteria. There are labels. I see these providing comfort for that sense of being out of kilter, not feeling settled or well fitted to one's circumstances and surroundings. If it can be named, sorted and boxed it can be tamed. 

At the outset, I question whether the sense of being a cat always on the wrong side of the door, always being in some way out of alignment, being otherly may actually be an inherently human and healthy force, the creative tension in life that moves us to strive, create, struggle, question, change. I question whether the labels and criteria help us on our way or perhaps divert us from embracing our unique struggles to be well-adjusted, organized, emotionally stable or whatever. It is probably both. 

What I am really writing about today is a different kind of categorization. The one which is king in the age of data harvesting and analysis. Twenty or so years of social media presence in our lives has fundamentally transformed how we see ourselves and each other. Tech giants make their billions by observing behavior, eye movements, clicks, scrolling and stopping, and probably a bunch of other stuff I'm not aware of. These galaxies of information are useless without categories to sort the data into in order to advertise us and manipulate emotions during elections and international conflict. Categories are not complicated. Gender, race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, age, red, blue. They can be chopped finer and finer, but ultimately must be narrowing and limiting in order to be useful for data analysis and getting us to buy supplements or make political donations.

Despite the promise of the internet to expand and connect, in the age of King Data, our interactions and perceptions are narrowed and limited as we engage with technology - the way the hammer shapes the hand. We find community based on shared experiences of our categories. More importantly for Meta's and X's revenue streams, we also find villains based on categories. We've learned to self-segregate based on demographics because that's what is relentlessly programmed to us in our social media engagement. 

Since so much of our social engagement is now through these channels, the more natural and organic interactions with others, say at a party or gathering or just in passing on the street are now parametered by those same categories instead of what we see and hear right in front of us. Even though we step away from the phone/tablet/computer screen, we're still looking through it. We don't need Google glasses because we're already there. 

I've been dismayed by our culture's transformation to this point where we validate experience and validate people not by their individual character and life experience, but solely by the groupings and affiliations that fit the commercially useful recognized categories. In this way, vast swaths of our life experience and our collective selves are erased from our cultural landscape. 

I find it impossible to have a conversation about tough issues of the day or in history because the category filter is the only one given air time. Anything that doesn't fit the 21st century boxes into which human lived experience is sorted doesn't exist. 

And there again, the hammer shapes the hand. Tech companies don't simply have the power to fine tune content in order to sell our eyeballs to advertisers, they have the power to narrow, to segregate and to control our current lived experience. 

We want to hold onto the sense that we are unique and in charge of how we see our world. The reality is that Alphabet, which makes this platform available to me, knows what I'm thinking better than I do. Perhaps I should have asked Gemini to write this for me. Also in on the truth are political operatives, disinformation factories and governments around the world. 

This whole enterprise is about to take a giant leap forward as Palantir prepares to create a centralized database of personal information at the fingertips of the most powerful government in the world. It won't be tech competitors taking turns spinning us around blindfolded, but The One. 

Spring 2025, Matinicus - Somehow or other, it came, just the same

 It's a lot to get here to the island. Logistics, weather, cost, fear of getting stuck, fear of having to go back. The year round island community has dwindled, and friction escalated as fewer individuals take on more responsibility. The power system I rely on in order to write this has been overdue for collapse, and been coaxed, band-aided and willed to continue generating power, with success most of the time and appliance-frying brown-outs at other times. 

The flow of society is away from such unique and challenging locations and in the direction of a closer Applebees and a possibly false sense of predictability. 

When I'm away, I become slowly seduced by the convenience factors, the perception of safety and the handy grocery stores the mainland offers. Every year, I feel a resistance to the first trip out where I get the wood stove going with newspaper that's lost combustibility due to being in a dank unheated house for 6 months, and charge the water system, hoping for the pump to come up to pressure, and then hoping for silence rather than fissing of water escaping from where it should not, such as into wall or ceiling cavities. There are prayers for trucks and lawnmowers starting after dormancy, and devotional gratitudes for battery chargers and starting fluid. 

The seasonal get your-ass-out-there anxiety syndrome peaks with the launch of Compass Rose and the first push of the ignition button. Because I am, frankly, an idiot with boats and diesel engines, I'm always terrified of the engine not starting out of spite or a mean sense of humor because it knows I'm an idiot. Then it does and part of me is certain that at some point, one of the gauges will get way out of range and something will start smoking or leaking or an alarm squealing, most likely when I'm halfway across the 18 or so miles of Atlantic Ocean between Spruce Head and Matinicus Isle. 

Despite all my efforts to mentally manifest some problem into existence, here we are. We've set two boatloads of lobster gear after an easy first crossing. The apple tree where the kids swung and played is a busy community of chickadees, warblers, hummingbirds and bumblebees. Rhubarb pie from the back yard, crabmeat and lobster from our work this morning, upgraded with chive from the dooryard. My limbs are sore, but it's a good sore after months of office work where the brain is the sore part. 

I'll take the sore limbs, thank you very much. .

Lost in translation - Puerto Rico

 "Quick! What's the number for 911?" - Homer Simpson.

Megan and I were having a break from our none-too-strict agenda at the Rincon lighthouse, watching first the surfers, then the rain, then again the surfers at Domes Beach. Domes gets its name from the long dormant nuclear power domes nearby. After having visited a cultural center in Adjuntas, and seeing how they were able to boot the United States military out from bombing the shit out of Vieques for target practice, it appears to me that Puerto Ricans have something of a talent for recognizing and pushing back on bad ideas.

After picking up a couple of remedies for ankle-biters at the farmacia, and groceries for our get-together with friends tonight, we stopped in at Me Salve across the parking lot from Econo to look for a proper salad bowl.

I've been trying to show respect by using my muy pequeno Spanish, at least in greetings and thank-yous, and, in the process of that and looking at signs and magazines everywhere, to learn or recover some of the 4 years of Spanish I attended classes for during high school. I think my grades were mainly 'present.' Actually, I did pretty well, but the intervening 4 decades and change may have cost me a letter or two.

While checking out at Me Salve, I asked 'Como se dice' and showed the cashier the bowl. She said 'bowl?' I re-asked "en espana, es 'Bowl?'" She and someone stocking clothes racks chuckled, and she said 'I'll check on that translation.' 

After this good-natured cultural exchange, Megan looked it up with señor Google, who informed us that 'Bowl' translates as 'Bol.' So concludes today's language training.